Can You Ever Erase the Pain?
by Catalina H
Summary: Twelve years ago Liz left the wizarding world. Now, as her son starts Hogwarts, she must face the life and people she left behind. But can she deal with the pain and memories, and the reason she left?
1. Then and Now

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of it's characters, they all belong to JKR. I'm just a fan using them for a story. I'm not making any money off this, no copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: I got this idea in my head a while back, but recently started working on it more. Most of it is in the present, starting around PoA, but there will be flashback/memory scenes, those will all be in italics. The story mainly focuses on my OCs Liz and her son Aiden, but there will be the occasional scene where you see it from another character's POV. Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

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Chapter 1 - Then and Now

_"Sirius, PLEASE!"_

_ "I HAVE TO, LIZ!"_

_ "I KNOW THAT!" she yelled back stubbornly, taking a deep breath before continuing calmly, though slightly desperate. "But let's go to Dumbledore first. We'll explain everything, then we can go after Peter."_

_ "By that time Peter could already be gone! I have to go after him now," he argued firmly, starting to walk away._

_ "Sirius!" Liz grabbed his hand to stop him._

_ Sirius sighed, looking at her hand as he intertwined their fingers. "I love you," he said quietly, slowly looking back up at Liz. He let go of her hand, moving it up to hold her face in his hands, and kissed her. Resting his forehead against hers, even though she was shaking from crying, he whispered, "I have to go."_

_ "Sirius..." Liz begged quietly as he walked away. He gave her a sad smile before apparating out of the flat._

_ Liz started sobbing as she hugged herself tightly and sank to the floor, rocking back and forth on her knees._

_**Almost Twelve Years Later...**_

Liz was sleeping peacefully, or at least as peacefully as she ever had in the past twelve years, in her bed, curled on her side. At least until a boy came running into the room and jumped on the bed beside her.

"Mum, wake up! Guess what, guess what, guess what!!!" he cried excitedly, bouncing impatiently up and down on the bed.

"I won't guess what if you don't stop shaking the entire house with your bouncing," Liz teased quietly as she opened her eyes. The boy smiled brightly, but stopped bouncing and crossed his legs underneath him on the bed, attempting to look calm and patient, though the eagerness in his eyes gave him away. Liz smiled as she pushed the covers off and slowly sat up, crossing her own legs underneath her as she faced him. "All right Aiden, what is it?"

Aiden held up a letter and announced chipperly, "I'm going to Hogwarts!"

Liz smiled warmly and hugged her son tightly. "That's great sweetie," she told him proudly. Aiden's smile only got wider, if that was possible, as he returned the hug. "So...how 'bout I fix some waffles to celebrate?" she suggested as she released him.

Aiden smirked. "Don't you mean, 'Why don't I put some toaster waffles in the toaster?'," he teased. Liz rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Ha ha. I may not be the best cook, but I'm not _too_ bad," she drawled. "Besides...toaster waffles are good," Liz defended. Aiden laughed, but nodded in agreement.

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**A/N: I know this chapter was kinda short, but it was more of an introductory chapter. The rest should be longer. I'm already working on chapter 3, but I'm going to stagger updating them. Who knows, maybe that way I'll be able to have a chapter ready to update every time? :) Hopefully, but I won't hold my breath. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope you continue reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	2. AlwaysOr Not

**A/N: Ok, I decided that last chapter didn't give you a whole lot, so I figured I'd go on and put the second chapter up. It pretty much starts off right where the last one left off. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 2 - Always...Or Not

"So when can we go get my stuff for school?" Aiden asked excitedly, sitting at the small kitchen table rereading his letter for the umpteenth time.

Liz smiled as she put the waffles in the toaster. "We'll go in a week or so after I get my paycheck and all the bills are paid," she told him patiently, having long ago grown accustom to dealing with excited, impatient people.

Aiden nodded. "Ok," he replied. Though he still sounded excited, Liz could tell he was slightly disappointed that they couldn't get his school supplies right away.

Being a single mother, and having to move back into the muggle world after the war, it took work for Liz to make ends meet. But she'd raised a happy, healthy kid, and one who didn't care about how much money they, or anyone else, had. Aiden understood that she had made a lot of sacrifices so that he could live a normal life, and he never complained. He loved his mother, and their life.

"So what house do you want to get in?" Liz questioned as she got out the butter and syrup.

"Well, you and Dad were in Gryffindor, so I think that'd be cool," he answered with a grin.

Liz grinned back as she sat the stuff on the table. "Sweetie," she started, running a hand through his messy black hair. "You know you don't need to want to be in the same house as us," she assured him softly. "No matter what house you want, or what house you get in to...I will _always_ love you."

Aiden smiled. "I know Mum. But _I_ think it'd be cool to be in the same house as you and Dad."

Liz nodded, chuckling slightly, and ruffled his hair. "Well, OK. Then, _I_ hope you get into Gryffindor too."

Aiden kept smiling at her, but turned his attention back to the letter again when she went over to the sink.

As she was cleaning off a couple plates for them, she glanced over at the tiny TV sitting on the counter, hoping to catch the scores of the football match from the day before. However, some reporter was on talking about something people needed to be concerned about. Liz tuned it out for the most part, until she heard, "...Black is armed and extremely dangerous..." Whatever else was said, Liz didn't hear.

She glanced over at the tiny screen and saw a picture of the escaped convict. Though he was barely recognizable, her breath caught in her throat and she dropped the rag and plate she'd been cleaning.

Aiden looked over when he heard the clanging of the plate being dropped into the sink. "Mum?" The worry in his voice was audible as he watched his frozen mother, who didn't seem to be aware of anything going on around her.

When the waffles popped up out of the toaster, the noise startled Liz so much she jumped and spun around looking for the source of her alarm. She exhaled heavily when she noticed it was just the toaster. Closing her eyes, Liz took a deep breath in an attempt to steel herself.

Opening her eyes, she finished drying the plate off and put a couple waffles onto it and placed it on the table in front of Aiden.

"Mum, are you okay?" he asked her apprehensively.

Liz gave him a small smile, and said, "I'm fine sweetheart. Eat up."

Aiden nodded slowly. He didn't believe her, he could tell her smile had been forced and that she was lying, but he also knew that she wouldn't tell him until she was ready. He began fixing his waffles as Liz put the orange juice and glasses on the table.

Facing the window over the sink, with her back to her son, Liz took several calming breaths. She glanced back over at the TV, but there was a different reporter on talking about a new subject. Liz didn't think she had imagined it, but she was still in shock so she wasn't trusting herself much at the moment. Sighing and closing her eyes, she, unconsciously, twirled the ring on her left ring finger.

*

After cleaning up from breakfast, Liz grabbed the cordless telephone out of the living room and walked into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

Dialing the number, she held the handset to her ear and waited for the person to answer. "Jill?...Hi, it's Liz. Um, I was wondering, do you think you could watch Aiden for a little bit?...Oh, I just need to make a quick trip into London, and I know Aiden will just get bored so I was hoping maybe he could stay with you. I figured he and Ben wouldn't mind hanging out together...Really? Thanks Jill, I really appreciate it....OK, see you soon."

As she hung up, Liz went over and looked out the window. She watched Aiden climb around on the trees for a few minutes before she sighed and looked down at her left ring finger. She studied the ring, with it's silver band and small sapphire stone, he'd said it matched her blue eyes. She balled her left hand into a fist and brought it up over her mouth, trying to keep herself from crying as she remembered when he proposed.

_**A Little Over Twelve Years Ago...**_

_ "Where are we going?" Liz asked impatiently as he dragged her along through the woods._

_ "You'll see," he drawled, clearly amused at her annoyance._

_ Liz rolled her eyes but continued to let him pull her along._

_ When they reached the edge of the woods, Liz saw water. As they continued out of the forest, they found themselves standing on the edge of a bank of a small secluded lake. The forest wrapped all the way around, in some areas it touched the edges of the lake where the bank they were now standing on did not circle all the way around._

_ "It's beautiful," Liz whispered in awe, turning to him. "How did you find it?"_

_ He shrugged. "Last full moon, we were wandering around the area and found this. There's nothing else around, no town or houses for miles, just countryside and forest. I figured you'd like to see it."_

_ Liz smiled as she grabbed his t-shirt. "Well you were right," she said as she leaned up and kissed him._

_ He grinned brightly as they released each other. Liz just smiled back._

_ He intertwined their fingers and led her down the bank, where they sat at the edge of the water._

_ "I wish we could just stay here forever," she whispered, laying her head on his shoulder as they gazed out across the water. "Secluded, away from the war, away from our jobs...just us. Our friends too of course. But just staying out here away from all the problems of the world with the people we care about most...it'd be perfect," Liz sighed._

_ "Yeah," he agreed quietly. "Sometimes it just seems like everything's a mess, and nothing will ever be the same again."_

_ "It won't," Liz muttered, glancing up into his eyes for a second before they returned to looking out across the water. "Whether we like it or not, we're not kids anymore. We're not protected inside Hogwarts' walls. But we've still got each other. We've got our friends, our family."_

_ He nodded. "Always?" he questioned hesitantly._

_ Liz raised her head to look at him. "Having doubts about your friends now?" she asked uncertainly, raising her eyebrows at the solemn expression on his usually cheerful face._

_ He shook his head. "No, of course not," he assured her earnestly._

_ Liz nodded. "Good," she stated, laying her head back down on his shoulder._

_ "I was just wondering about..." Liz raised her head again to look at him curiously. "...us," he finished slowly. Liz started to open her mouth, but he asked, "I mean, are we always going to be...us...like this?"_

_ She furrowed her brow, shaking her head slightly. "Sirius...what are you talking about?"_

_ He took a deep breath and turned a little so that he was facing her. "I love you Liz," he told her sincerely._

_ Liz grinned. "I love you too Sirius."_

_ "So," he started with confidence, even if a little apprehensive. "What do you say...always?" he asked, holding up a ring._

Liz quickly wiped away the tear that escaped as she thought about the memory. _Guess always doesn't mean all the time_, she thought angrily, shaking her head.

Running her hands over her face, Liz looked back out the window at her son and smiled. She could never bring herself to regret the choices she'd made. No matter how angry he made her, he was the love of her life and he had given her the best gift of all, their son. She loved Aiden more than anything. He made everything, all of the pain and hardships, worth it.

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**A/N: Well, I hope you liked that chapter! I've almost got the next chapter finished. However, since the weekend is over and the semester is almost finished, I have a lot of last minute work to do before finals. I should have the next chapter up soon though. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	3. A World Upside Down

**A/N: Yay update! :) I just wanna say thanks to everyone who reviewed, you guys rock! Anyway... Enjoy!**

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Chapter 3 - A World Upside Down

After dropping Aiden off at their nearest neighbor's house, whose son went to primary school with Aiden, Liz apparated to Diagon Alley. She wanted to know whether her suspicions were right, or if maybe she really had just been imagining things.

It didn't take long for Liz to realize she hadn't been imagining things. As she began walking down the street, she noticed the wanted posters all over. The same picture she had seen on the muggle news that morning was now alive and staring at her from every direction. It took a lot of willpower for her to not burst into tears right there in the middle of the street.

She made her way to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, and sat down at one of the empty tables outside. Before she even had a chance to order, Florean came over and sat down a hot fudge sundae in front of her.

Liz looked up at him questioningly, but he just smiled and kindly said, "It's on the house. You look like you could use it."

Liz smiled at him. "Thank you," she told him gratefully. He just continued smiling and went on to the next customer.

As she took a few bites of the sundae, Liz noticed the man at the table next to her put down his copy of the _Daily Prophet_.

"Excuse me?" Liz said politely. The man looked over. "Could I borrow that?" she asked, pointing to his paper.

He nodded. "Sure," he said, handing her the paper. "Keep it, I'm through with it."

"Thank you."

Liz unfolded the paper and was immediately greeted by the picture she'd seen on all of the wanted posters. The headline read '**SIRIUS BLACK ESCAPES AZKABAN**'. She swallowed hard, again fighting the urge to cry as painful memories kept swimming around her mind, and kept reading. The article talked about how the Ministry was doing everything they could to recapture him, and about the massacre twelve years ago. But Liz knew all of this already, she knew better than most, though it still didn't make the pain any less. She looked at the picture. It was hard to see the handsome, charming man she had fallen in love with in the gaunt, almost corpse-like, man in the picture, with his waxy skin and long matted, filthy hair. But the eyes, the gray, shadowed, fathomless eyes, the only part of the man in the picture that seemed alive, in them Liz could see part of the man she loved.

Unable to continue acting like everything was fine whilst most everyone around her was talking about Sirius, Liz got up and left.

*

"Did you have fun with Ben today?" Liz asked lightly as she finished making the pasta while Aiden set the table.

"Yeah," Aiden nodded.

"Good. You know, you're more than welcome to spend time with your friends as much as you want, since you won't get to see them after you leave for school," she told him.

Aiden shrugged. "Yeah, but I'll be making new friends at school. I'm going to be at Hogwarts most of the year anyway," he replied nonchalantly.

"True," Liz conceded as they sat down to eat.

"So, why did you go to London?" Aiden asked, curious.

Liz looked at her plate as she answered, "Oh, I just needed to check up on a couple things."

Aiden nodded, but could tell she was hiding something. "Does it have anything to do with why you were acting weird this morning?" he questioned hesitantly.

Liz looked up at her son, and sighed. "Aiden...I just..." She considered telling him the truth, but after looking into his gray eyes she couldn't muster up the will. "It's complicated," she finished lamely.

Aiden sighed, but nodded understandingly, and didn't bring up the subject again.

*

"I should get paid Friday, so I'll go pay the bills when the offices open up Monday morning, and then we could go get your school supplies then if you want," Liz told Aiden as he got ready for bed.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "OK."

Liz could tell he was trying not to smile, in an effort to hide his excitement. She smirked.

"Just 'OK'?" she repeated. Aiden nodded, still not smiling, though Liz could see it tugging at the edge of his mouth.

She grinned and made to chase him. Aiden broke into a smile as he ran and jumped into his bed, Liz following close behind. She plopped down on the bed beside him and proceeded to tickle him.

"Mum!" Aiden pleaded, still laughing, trying to get her to stop tickling.

"What do you say?" Liz drawled teasingly, still tickling her son, who was almost crying from laughing so hard.

"You're the greatest mum ever!" he cried out through his laughs.

Liz stopped tickling him and smiled. "See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" she teased, grinning at the boy whose laughs were finally starting to subside. Aiden grinned brightly back at her. Liz leaned in and wrapped her arms around him. "I love you kiddo," she told him.

"I love you too Mum," he said, hugging her back.

"Alright," Liz stated authoritatively. "Time for bed."

Aiden moved off the covers and slid under them once Liz held them up. She placed them on top of him as he laid down.

Liz kissed her son's forehead and said, "Night sweetie."

"Night Mum," he replied, rolling over onto his side and burying his head into his pillow as she got up and turned out the light.

*

After getting ready for bed, Liz found herself leaning against the doorway to Aiden's bedroom. She couldn't help the small smile that came across her face as she watched her sleeping son. He looked so peaceful and happy. She couldn't believe how fast he was growing up. To her, it seemed like just yesterday she was watching him sleep in his crib.

_**Eleven Years Ago...**_

_ Liz smiled as she looked down into the crib and watched her one month old son sleeping soundly. A few tears ran down her face as she realized how much he reminded her of his father. Though his face looked like hers, his hair and eyes were his father's. Those eyes, Liz remembered the first time Aiden had opened his eyes and looked at her. Her breath had caught in her throat when she'd seen his father's eyes staring back at her out of their son for the first time. In fact, it still caught her by surprise sometimes. He looked like his father when he slept too. Aiden looked so carefree, peaceful, and happy when he slept. Liz had seen that many times on his father, she used to love watching him sleep, he'd been so easy to read then._

_ She sighed. In her mind, even though she knew it would never happen, she wished that his father could be here, standing beside her and they could watch their son sleep together. But that wish was one that she knew she would be wishing for the rest of her life, because his father was never coming back. The saddest part for Liz was that she'd never even been able to tell him he was going to be a father. He'd walked away before she was able to get the words out, and then he never came back. Now, Liz was standing here by herself, a single mother, and he would never know that he has a son._

_ After he'd left their flat, Liz hadn't been able to stop crying. She didn't know whether it was hormones or the sheer shock of losing their best friends, but she couldn't stop the tears. Crying for the loss of her friends, their orphaned son, the fact that her fiancé was about to kill the man responsible, and the fear that she would never get the chance to tell him she was pregnant. That was how one of their other friends had found her, crying on the floor. He had tried to comfort her, though he was overcome with grief as well. He had informed her that her fiancé had been arrested and sent to Azkaban for the murder of twelve muggles and their other friend, and for betraying their dead friends. Liz hadn't been able to take it after that, so she'd quit her job, packed up her things, and used what little savings she had to buy this remote little cabin just outside London._

_ Now she lived an untraceable existence, away from everything she'd known. Liz's only concern now was raising her son to be happy and healthy. She wanted him to have a normal life. She didn't want people to look at him and only see his father, she didn't want him to know what it felt like to be judged based on what people think his father did. Liz wanted to protect Aiden from all of that. It's why she never told anyone from her old life that she was pregnant, and why she gave Aiden her name instead of his father's. She knew that one day he would be attending Hogwarts just as she and his father had, and the other kids at Hogwarts, or at least the ones from wizarding families, were likely to know about his father, and she didn't want Aiden to get picked on because of his family._

_ Even though Liz knew it was going to be hard to raise Aiden and go through life alone, she still couldn't stop smiling every time she looked at her son. He was the greatest gift she could have ever received, and he was a constant reminder of the man she loved._

_ Aiden stirred slightly. Liz reached down into the crib and gently ran a finger through his hair, whispering "It's okay sweetie." And Aiden smiled slightly and went right back to sleep, though he hadn't fully awake. Liz smiled, and continued watching her baby sleep._

Liz shook her head sadly. After everything she'd done to protect her son, she feared it will have all been for naught. Though she had told Aiden all about his father, she had never told him _exactly_ why he wasn't around or even what his name was. When Aiden had been about four, he started asking why he didn't have a dad like the other kids he knew. Liz had told him that his had had to leave, but hadn't been able to come back. She'd told him that she hadn't gotten a chance to tell his father about him, but that she knew that if he knew he would love Aiden very much. Aiden had accepted that, and didn't push for more, he settled for learning about his father through stories his mother told him. Though with all the publicity Sirius was getting now, Liz was afraid that Aiden might put the pieces together, or that someone else would.

She sighed. Liz wasn't sure if she was ready for Aiden to start Hogwarts yet. Part of her wanted to keep him here with her. But she knew that Aiden was growing up and she had to accept that. She knew she couldn't protect him forever, but the mother in her wanted to. Liz smiled at her son, it was hard for her to believe that it was time for him to go to Hogwarts already. Though she knew that if he was anything like his parents, which he was, he would find himself at Hogwarts. And for that, Liz was grateful.

Pulling the door shut, Liz cast one last glance at her son and smiled.

*

_**Twelve Years ago...**_

_ "Can you believe her?" Liz blurted out as soon as they had apparated home. He chuckled as he started heading to the bedroom. "It's not funny Sirius!" she reprimanded, following him._

_ He smirked at her. "It's a little funny," he contradicted. Liz just scowled at him. "She didn't mean anything by it," he assured her, trying to keep his amusement from being heard in his voice, as he took off his shirt._

_ "She thinks that we got engaged because I'm pregnant!" Liz snapped heatedly, shrugging off her jacket._

_ He gave her a soft smile. "She knows that's not why," he said. Liz rolled her eyes. "Come on Liz, you know Lily knows that's not why we're engaged," he sighed._

_ Liz gave him a pointed look as he sat down on the bed and pulled off his shoes. "Oh really?" she retorted. "Then why was the first thing out of her mouth after we told them we were engaged, 'You're pregnant!'"_

_ He looked up at her mimicking of their friend, with an odd look. "You're a little too good at that," he muttered, slightly disturbed. Liz rolled her eyes and sighed exasperatedly. "You sure you're not pregnant?" he quipped under his breath. Liz half-glared at him, and he sighed. "Look Liz, Lily just knows that neither of us are exactly the commitment type," he pointed out._

_ "We've been together for over a year," Liz pointed out softly._

_ He nodded. "Yeah," he conceded. "And it's the longest relationship either of us have ever had."_

_ Liz took a deep breath and nodded. "I know," she muttered unhappily. "You're right," she drawled, taking off her shoes._

_ He smirked. "Thank you," he replied cheerfully, a Cheshire cat grin covering his face. Liz shook her head, but couldn't keep from grinning._

_ "Do I look pregnant?" she asked quietly, looking at her profile in the mirror, hands on her flat stomach. _

_ "No," he answered, trying not to smirk. "She probably just mistook your radiating beauty for the glow of pregnancy," he said smoothly._

_ Liz sent him a sideways look. "Nice try slick," she said in a low, slightly amused, voice._

_ He smirked and got up off the bed as she turned back to studying her reflection. Coming up behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist, leaning his head down by hers, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek._

_ "You're beautiful Liz," he told her softly. "And I can't wait to marry you, pregnant or not," he assured her._

_ She smiled. "Does that mean you do want kids?" she asked lightly._

_ He shrugged. "I dunno. Being around Harry has kinda made me think it wouldn't be so bad," he replied._

_ "Yeah," Liz agreed, smiling slightly. "I guess the thought of being a parent just kinda scares me," she admitted._

_ He tightened his grip around her in a comforting manner. "It's not like you'll be going through it alone," he pointed out gently. "I'll be there to help you."_

_ Liz turned her head to look him in the eyes. "Always?"_

_ "Always," he agreed, smiling. Liz smiled too, and turned to look back in the mirror at the two of them. "Though..." he started mischievously. "We could always practice trying for when we are ready to have kids," he said suggestively._

_ Liz chuckled as he started to kiss her neck. "I think I like where you're headed with this," she whispered seductively, turning around so she was facing him._

_ "Yeah?" he questioned, smirking as he guided her over to the bed, pulling off her shirt as he did so._

_**Ten months later...**_

_Liz bit back a scream as another contraction hit, though she was digging her fingers into the hospital bed. "It's too soon," she muttered, tears rolling down her cheeks. "This baby's not due for another month."_

_ The doctor gave her a firm look. "This baby is coming now," she told her._

_ "Is there anyone we could call for you?" one of the nurses asked._

_ Liz shook her head. She knew that, even though she hated it, she was in this alone, no one was coming, no one would be here for her, it was just her and the hospital staff._

_ The doctor looked Liz in the eyes. "OK, now when I tell you to, push."_

_ Liz nodded, swallowing hard to push back the fear threatening to consume every fiber of her being._

_ Two long and tiring hours later, Liz fell back onto the pillows as a baby's crying filled the room._

_ "It's a boy," the doctor announced with a smile, handing the baby to one of the nurses._

_ Liz raised her head slightly. "A boy?" she questioned with a smile, though at the moment she was both laughing and crying, her emotions were all over the place._

_ The nurse next to her nodded, giving her a smile as she wiped the sweat off of Liz's forehead. "You did good," she told her kindly. Liz gave her a half-smile in return, relaxing back into the pillows, exhausted._

_ "He's a healthy baby boy," the doctor assured Liz as one of the nurses brought over the baby. "Spunky too," she added. "He seems restless." Liz let out a laugh, but knew no one else in the room understood what she found so humorous about that._

_ Liz smiled as the nurse carefully placed the struggling baby in her arms, and he immediately calmed down. Liz smiled and wiped away the tears of joy as she looked at her newborn son. She couldn't believe she was a mom, that she was holding her son. He slowly opened his eyes and Liz's breath caught in her throat, he had his father's eyes. She couldn't keep from smiling as the tears welled up in her eyes._

_ "What's his name?" one of the nurses asked sweetly._

_ "Aiden," Liz answered quietly. "Aiden Patrick B- Berkeley." She swallowed slightly. She'd almost slipped. No matter how much she thought he deserved his father's name, she knew giving him hers was for the best._

_ "Beautiful name," the nurse commented._

_ Liz grinned. "Beautiful boy."_

_ The nurse nodded. "The father?" Liz tore her eyes away from her son to look at the nurse sharply. "For the birth certificate," the woman explained._

_ Liz calmed. "Right," she nodded distractedly._

_ "So...the father's name?" the nurse asked again._

_ Liz closed her eyes for a second, to keep her composure, but shook her head slowly._

_ The nurse seemed to understand. She nodded. "OK, well I'll leave you alone with your son. If you need anything, just hit the call button." Liz nodded._

_ As soon as the nurse had left the room, Liz was finally alone with her son for the first time. She looked down at the beautiful baby in her arms, and he looked back at her. Rationally, Liz knew that he looked a lot like her, but all she could see was his father. She couldn't keep the tears from streaming silently down her face._

_ "Oh Sirius...you should be here," she whispered desperately into the emptiness of the room. Aiden looked up at her with those gray eyes, and her heart melted. "Aiden...my baby boy," she soothed, and hugged Aiden close. He seemed to snuggle up against her as well, as both happiness and sadness overtook Liz._

Liz barely opened her eyes to look around her dark bedroom as she awoke from her memories. She felt the damp pillowcase under her head and knew she had been crying in her sleep. She curled up in a smaller ball, fist clamping around the covers. The pain was too much, tears started pouring out, and Liz bit her lip so that she wouldn't make a sound, she didn't want to wake up Aiden.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she sobbed quietly there in her bed. The overwhelming pain, the knife in her chest, consumed every bit of her. Once there were no more tears for her to cry, Liz slowly sat up, taking deep breaths to calm herself. But the pain was still there.

She opened up the drawer in her nightstand and pulled out the bottle of Firewhisky. The knife was always there, aching, but over the past twelve years it had started to dull as she learned to live with it. Though every once in a while, like tonight, memories would invade her dreams and the pain would become too much. She'd learned long ago to keep Firewhisky close by for such occasions.

Liz opened the bottle and took a big swig, sighing quietly as she felt the burn all the way down. After a few minutes, the pain was finally starting to allay slightly. Grabbing the bottle, she stood carefully and walked over to her dresser. With the bottle of Firewhisky dangling in her hand by her side, Liz opened up the top drawer with her other hand and pulled out a picture frame and went back over and sat back down on the bed.

Shaking her head, Liz glared at the picture of the two of them, taken about a month before he was arrested, they looked so happy. "You son of a bitch," she muttered angrily to the picture him. No matter how much she loved him, and always would, part of her still hated him. Hated him for breaking his promise to always be there, for not listening to her, and partly for trusting Peter in the first place. But Liz also partly hated herself. She knew that if she had told him she was pregnant that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have walked away, maybe things would have turned out differently.

But none of that mattered now. She had dealt with it all, and raised their son by herself. But now, now she didn't know what to do anymore. Her world had once again been turned upside down by the man she loved. Liz felt as if she was going to have to start all over. Her fears of not being a good parent were trying to push their way back into her mind again, the doubt of her ability to stay strong was creeping back into the corners of her mind, and the desire to be around the people she loved was stronger than ever. She knew she shouldn't let him have that much effect on her, but she did, she always had, ever since the first time he kissed her.

As all of the anxiety and worry floated around her mind, Liz continued to drink. Eventually the pain started to numb, and, after putting the bottle back into the drawer, Liz let the dreamless sleep overtake her.

* * *

**A/N: Well, I hope you liked that chapter! I don't know when I'll be able to update again, the next couple days are going to be hectic. But hopefully I'll have the next chapter up by Thursday night. :) As always, reviews are greatly appreciated!**


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